I've been avoiding writing this next entry, for a while now, for some odd reason. But I just wrote a letter to a friend and I am in writing mode / #beastmode. I know that it has a lot to do with the fact that reality is finally setting in--I don't have that much time left here and frankly, I'm starting to get a little nervous. I know it's all a part of the process and people advocate that emotions will be high upon arrival in a new city for an extended period of time.. but my emotions are somewhat going haywire right now, and they're hitting me all at once.

I will not be returning to the place I have spent 3 1/2 years pursuing two undergraduate degrees. I no longer have my own house nearby a campus that I (still) have mixed emotions about. I will no longer be surrounded by the Bradley populous, meaning I will not be known or recognized until introduced. I am done with undergraduate studies, it seems, but will not be living with my biological family. It will truly be a fresh start. Even my FAMILY does not know who I am yet!

I came to the realization that this is not an end. These is no such thing. When I leave Bradley, and my hometown, my acquaintances, and friends Life Will Go On, just without me in it. I didn't think that there would be anything I missed at Bradley, but that might be it... Life without what I've known. Yet, the same thing brings me relief!

My student visa is finally ready. That's the main element necessary for everything to really fall into place-- although lately I've been feeling the opposite, unkempt. Maybe the bittersweet taste is hitting me because the task at hand is to completely pack of my life, my "cave" of a room at Bradley University. I've acquired so much over the years while in college that it was beyond overwhelming to contain in two cares, but I did it (sort of)... and do admit I have to return for a few other items. I could have squeezed more (although I already couldn't see too much when I was driving already), but maybe (I think) I found comfort (and need the comfort right now) of knowing that I could return, if need be. And there are some people in Peoria awaiting my return... 

But time waits for no one.
I hate goodbyes but I embrace and love change. How does that work?
Most of the people I've found places for in my life have left.
 


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